Tis the Season to be Engaged

"Even those of us who didn't expect to find a marriage partner in college went there believing that our undergraduate years would deliver not only a great love, but a great time..." Unhooked

I found out this morning that my high school boyfriend not only bought a house but also just got engaged. I am so happy for Greg. We have great memories but we were never meant to be. Its exciting that he found "the one".

Greg's engagement does make me reflect. I have had more friends then I can count get engaged this year. None of their engagements really made me think...hmm when is my turn. Like most girls I love the thought of getting married...one day but with Greg's engagement it really shows that my priorities clearly lie somewhere else. It all comes back to knowing what you want and when you want it.

According to my friend Amanda  "We're just getting older....but doesn't mean anything's wrong with us.  People do things at their own pace.  I like our pace."


In the mean time all you/I can do is work hard and have fun! Congrats to Greg and Jen and all my friends that got engaged this year.

Warm for the Holidays!

With the Holiday Season here. Its a time of holiday parties, hot chocolate and shopping. Tis the season to be single mingle. Who will you kiss under the mistletoe?

Pseudo Marriage

"...becoming serious about pairing up in their middle to late twenties and then start the rehearsals that will prepare them in their thirties for marriage."  Unhooked

My friend Paul enlightened me to the pseudo marriage. We were driving home to Delaware and he was telling me about the girl he started dating, and how she was really cool.  "She isn't down with the pseudo marriage." I had no idea what he was talking about.  Paul explained to me the new dating rules. When our parents were dating they had this concept of going steady.  We simply removed that step and went from hooking up to the pseudo marriage.  When someone finally decides to become official. They start to engaged in marriage like activities.  That range from family events, 5-7 night a week sleep overs, and the daily check in.  I thought about this...Paul may have something here.

One of my best friends Amanda spends about 70%  of her relationship of about four years attending his family functions. Every weekend its I have to go to Josh's step brothers girlfriends sisters baby shower or I have a wedding of Josh's step mom's niece.  I honestly don't know how she does it.  Family functions can be fun, occasionally but the non stop family outing can lead to insanity.

In my last relationship I found myself guilty of the check in call and the constant sleep over. I dont even know why we started doing it. It seemed that my exboyfriend and I couldnt do anything without the check in text or phone call. "Hey, just wanted to let you know I am home from the gym..."  I am pretty sure this made him crazy, and in turn it made me crazy. It became such a habit that when we didnt do it, I thought something was wrong.  The same for the sleep overs. 

Is it normal to live separately and spend almost every night sleeping (and I do mean sleep) together?   If that's the case why not move in?  Something I swore I never I wanted to do until I was married.

And so you have the pseduo marraige.

A Blast From the Past - Ex Boyfriends

"When she was tempted to do more than kiss, she remembered how much pain she suffered the first semester when she had lost him as a steady boyfriend." -Unhooked

Boyfriends are such a funny thing. Ex boyfriends are even funnier. About two months ago, my boyfriend and I broke up.  As I deal with break up woes...it happens. My college ex boyfriend reappears. I receive a text message from the college ex declaring all the things I wanted to hear from him when we were together.  In college even though I had the title of girlfriend, I couldn't mange to keep his interest for to long. Now, we are almost grown up and he is back. Why does that always happen?  Now, I am nursing yet another broken heart and I really don't have any desire to reopen wounds, with a blast from the past.  

However a thought did cross my mind.  If my college ex came back to me a few years later, would that mean my current ex could loop back to me as well? Are relationships a cycle, that even when broken we remain in?  If that's true,  that's just another reason why dating is such a complicated matter.

I was discussing this with my roommate.  And I said something I never thought I would say. "Maybe our parents got it right."   When my parents dated, they had this concept of "going steady". I feel like that is lost today. Today it appears we have two levels of relationships--casual hook ups or the pseudo marriage.  Both are intense, and don't leave room for dating. Maybe this is why ex's return to our lives.  We missed that opportunity to date, get to know each other, and than make next steps.

I haven't responded to the college ex's text. 

he's just not that into you

 "They come to believe that the sex they see around them is love. And when they find out that it isn't, they can only resort to conversations with each other or glib self-help books like He's Just Not that Into You and Be Honest -- You're Not That into Him Either. " Unhooked

To friend request or not, that is the question. I was thinking about sending a friend request to a guy last night. I mean how else are you supposed to get to know someone. Eventually, someone has to take the initiative. Then that stupid book popped into my head He's Just Not That Into You. I hate this book. I never should have read it. It all happened after hanging out with a guy I thought I liked-- who never called. 

This term that was popularized by Sex and the City. Makes sense, if a guy isn't calling or paying you attention maybe he isn't into you. BUT this book takes it to a whole new level.  We are already confused enough, did we really need a book to tell us just do NOTHING, if he calls, texts, emails, and facebooks then he is into you if he doesn't he's not.  Does this mean I am supposed to be completely passive, and let guys come to me? What happened to empowerment.  OR is that what lead us to this point. Women behaving like men. 

So to friend request or not....I think I will wait another week.

A Mean Girl Halloween

With Halloween right around the corner, costumes are being selected....to date the costume ideas are, a rebound, walk of shame, peacock (slutty), ballerina (slutty), or Marylin Monroe. We often reference the scene in mean girls, and agree it couldn't be more true.  There are two times a year where unhooked college like behavior are OK to come out in the real world Halloween and beach trips. 

This Halloween friends and I will be attending a party at the Historical Society of D.C.  it promises to be lots of fun i.e. open bar and a costume contest.

Black Tie Affair and the Single Girl

"Every spring, A handful of college newspapers can be counted on to carry stories about sorority formals being shut down early by those who manage art museums, plush hotels, or other venues where formals are held because a few girls passed out or vomited in public." Unhooked

One of my guy friends invited me to attend the Fall Fete at the Cochran Gallery of Art--a reason to wear a formal dress, and the promise of fun single guys to hang out with. What more did I need. My mom keeps telling me that I need to find other places besides a bar to meet guys. 

The event was being thrown by the 1896 Society which is the Cochran's young professionals—ages 25 to 42.  They offer members a chance to enjoy diverse social, intellectual, and networking opportunities and events with like-minded art lovers. More importantly they throw parties a chance to mix and mingle with D.C. up and comers. Perfect.

Upon arrival I noticed two things. One, the bar was to the right. Two, there were a lot of women. It appears I was not the only girl who thought this might be a good place to meet guys.

The night started off slow. I mostly spoke to the friends I arrived with. I was with three attractive guys, who were all on the prowl.  The numbers were in their favor I would say it was about 80% women. As the night went on and the booze was flowing. The guys were on the prowl, but I am not sure they realized they were prey. Girls would find ways to approach, take them for drinks and if they were unlucky in their pursuit the guys would return to us, their friends. One girl even said, "You’re the sexiest guy here." The guys agreed the night could be described as shooting fish in a barrel.

While, the guys clearly had the advantage I did meet a few men (who I didn’t come with). One was a Moroccan guy who attempted to pick up both my roommate and myself.  The other an Italian guy who claimed to have flown in that night just for the event he promised to take me out to brunch the next day. We exchanged numbers. Needless to say he didn’t call. I was not upset.
While the night wasn’t as out of control as some sorority formals can be, it did have similarities. Especially, at the end of the night, all were making that last attempt of finding someone to go home with.
 
My guys friends were successfully caught, my roommate and I went home together.

Unhooked- How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both

"It's been nearly 50 years since the pill first revolutionized sex on college campuses and though "free love" may be a thing of the past, a new culture of casual sex, known as "hooking up," has now become the norm."  Laura Sessions Stepp

I remember reading an excerpt of Unhooked in a random woman's magazine. I was intrigued, so I decided to buy it.  It took me awhile to read it. Not because it wasn’t a good read, but because it was a hard read. This book truly showed an accurate picture of the college hook up culture for women. More importantly it challenged me with questions, and left me to figure out the answers.  

An excerpt from the book:

Rapper T.I.’s ­voice—­and more than a few shots of ­liquor—­had hundreds of students buzzed that Saturday night inside the Marvin Center of George Washington University (or GW). Crowded along both sides of an elevated catwalk, waiting for scantily clad freshman women to emerge from a tent at one end, the students sang along with the music:

Who set the city on fire as soon as he got freed

Da king back now, ho’s ­don’t even know how to act now

Hit the club strippers gettin’ naked ’fore I sit down

Bring ’em out! Bring ’em out!

Out they came, one act after another, eighteen- and ­nineteen-­year-­old Division I athletes, ranging from passably pretty to ­drop-­dead gorgeous, putting themselves up for bid at the annual “date auction” sponsored by GW’s student athletic council. Big white bidding cards popped up immediately. Fifty dollars for a night on the town with a couple of lacrosse players! ­Seventy-­five dollars for members of the crew team!

The water polo players, dressed in swim parkas and strappy black stilettos, brought down the house. They had been practicing polo for eight months, s
pending thirty hours a week in the pool. Their season over, they left little question in anyone’s mind that they were ready to party.

Bumping and grinding to a new rap number, they ripped off their jackets to reveal short ­nightgowns—­see-­through black, with pink polka ­dots—­over black bras and lacy fuchsia boy shorts.

Fifty dollars! The bidding began. 

 

I met my current roommate at one of these auctions. At the time she was just a freshman. I remember standing next to my friend Scotty.  As the auction began he nudged me and said, "This is the chick I am hooking up with."   Out she walked to a rap song I can no longer remember, dancing and rocking the catwalk.  I often tease her of that night, she always responds with embarrassment. Yet at the ti
me, it was such a good idea. Have fun and get a guys attention. Now we are both in the real world, single, and simply don’t want to behave that way to gain attention.